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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
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Friona
Texas
Virgin
Virgins
Shirt
Shirts

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
Darynda Jones
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That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.” “You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice. “Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you knew that.
Darynda Jones
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Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit. Well, you are pretty fruity.
Darynda Jones
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Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.
Darynda Jones
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Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.
Darynda Jones
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You can’t have him, okay,” she said from behind the wire barrier. “Mm-hmm,” I whispered. “This is certainly a beautiful neighborhood.” “Yeah, I guess.” “I will scratch those eyes out of your ugly head.
Darynda Jones
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His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.
Darynda Jones
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A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity? BUMPER STICKER
Darynda Jones
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You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.
Darynda Jones
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Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!
Darynda Jones
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Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
Darynda Jones
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We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.
Darynda Jones
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
Darynda Jones
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I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
Darynda Jones
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
Darynda Jones
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Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
Darynda Jones
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The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
Darynda Jones
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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Darynda Jones