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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Orgasm
Faking
Pretending
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Coffee
Drink

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I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
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I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT
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A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity? BUMPER STICKER
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When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
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Where you just possessed? Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. 'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.
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The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT
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He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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SARC- was my second favorite -ASM word
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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
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You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.
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I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.
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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
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I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?” “Um, I wasn’t aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience.” “Charley.” “Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day?
Darynda Jones