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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Orgasm
Faking
Pretending
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Coffee
Drink

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity? BUMPER STICKER
Darynda Jones
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Before I tell you, I have to know three things, I said. Okay. One, are you sitting down? Yes. Two, are you mentally stable? More than you'll ever be. Well, that was uncalled for. And three, how do you spell schizophrenia? What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.
Darynda Jones
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You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.
Darynda Jones
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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Do not disturb. Already there.
Darynda Jones
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I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.
Darynda Jones
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I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.
Darynda Jones
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
Darynda Jones
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She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.
Darynda Jones
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He's helped me a lot over the years. I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours. I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.
Darynda Jones
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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
Darynda Jones
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There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
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This place is like crazy on crackers.
Darynda Jones
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
Darynda Jones
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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
Darynda Jones
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Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should have gone to Hogwart's when I had the chance.
Darynda Jones
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He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.
Darynda Jones
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What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony. I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish. Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana?
Darynda Jones
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Charley: If you‘re not going to tell me where you are, if you‘re not going to trust me to help you, then why are you here? Why bother? Reyes: Because you‘re the reason I breathe.
Darynda Jones