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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Drink
Orgasm
Faking
Pretending
Similar
Coffee

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I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
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I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
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I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
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Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
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Where you just possessed? Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. 'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.
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But have you ever seen one?....They shook their heads. Not Physically, no. But if you look at this passage - Man, she liked that Bible. I'd read it and could definitely understand it's appeal, but I didn't have time for this.
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If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
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If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
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“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”
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He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.
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SARC- was my second favorite -ASM word
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
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If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.
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Before I tell you, I have to know three things, I said. Okay. One, are you sitting down? Yes. Two, are you mentally stable? More than you'll ever be. Well, that was uncalled for. And three, how do you spell schizophrenia? What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.
Darynda Jones