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“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
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More quotes by Darynda Jones
Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
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There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt
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Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat. Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. So, she was angry? He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time.
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I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, This is Beam Me Up. Then to my right. And this is Scotty. Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.
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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
Darynda Jones
Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
Darynda Jones
I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
Darynda Jones
I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.
Darynda Jones
My prodding me didn't elicit a reaction. His unseeing eyes stared straight through me. Which was odd. He'd seemed so sane huddled in Cookie's trunk.
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
Darynda Jones
The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.” I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.
Darynda Jones
Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should have gone to Hogwart's when I had the chance.
Darynda Jones
I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.
Darynda Jones
Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her.... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day.
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Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.
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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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This place is like crazy on crackers.
Darynda Jones
I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.
Darynda Jones
How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones