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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
Nectar
Gods
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More quotes by Darynda Jones
Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
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The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.
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Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit. Well, you are pretty fruity.
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I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
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You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either.
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His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.
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There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.
Darynda Jones
How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
Darynda Jones
Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
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She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.
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Before I tell you, I have to know three things, I said. Okay. One, are you sitting down? Yes. Two, are you mentally stable? More than you'll ever be. Well, that was uncalled for. And three, how do you spell schizophrenia? What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.
Darynda Jones
Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones