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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
Nectar
Gods
Knew
Time
More quotes by Darynda Jones
Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
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She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake.
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If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
Darynda Jones
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.
Darynda Jones
What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
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I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
Darynda Jones
I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
Darynda Jones
God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
Darynda Jones
Rocket, I said, straightening in the chair. Donovan was just helping me with my contacts. Donovan raised his brows humorously. Rocket furrowed his. Did you swallow them?
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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Darynda Jones
Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
Darynda Jones
Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.
Darynda Jones
Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)
Darynda Jones
You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either.
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
Darynda Jones
Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
Darynda Jones
I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
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Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie
Darynda Jones