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You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
Stupid
Numb
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More quotes by Darynda Jones

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There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
Darynda Jones
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He had given me so much information, I wanted some time to absorb it all, but I didn't want to leave him. Not like this. Not ever, as long as I lived. Or until I had to get back on the case. Whichever came first.
Darynda Jones
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Surely my macking on some guy in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt him. He'd been living with his stalker, for heaven's sake.
Darynda Jones
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Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
Darynda Jones
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
Darynda Jones
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Want coffee? I asked, as I headed that way. It's three thirty in the morning. Okay. Want coffee?
Darynda Jones
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
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guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster
Darynda Jones
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Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me. I can't go with you. Is it because of my questionable morals? No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school. Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bothe
Darynda Jones
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My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
Darynda Jones
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
Darynda Jones
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
Darynda Jones
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I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker
Darynda Jones
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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
Darynda Jones
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Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
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When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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You’re the reason I breathe
Darynda Jones
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You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either.
Darynda Jones
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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
Darynda Jones
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That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.” “You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice. “Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you knew that.
Darynda Jones