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You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Shirt
Shirts
Stupid
Numb

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, This is Beam Me Up. Then to my right. And this is Scotty. Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.
Darynda Jones
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I noticed you tore down Donovan's house. He lifted his gaze until it locked with mine. He's alive because he left town. His house chose to stay. It paid the price.
Darynda Jones
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I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I?
Darynda Jones
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Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons.
Darynda Jones
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Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
Darynda Jones
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
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What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony. I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish. Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana?
Darynda Jones
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I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.
Darynda Jones
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
Darynda Jones
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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Darynda Jones
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
Darynda Jones
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I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
Darynda Jones
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There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
Darynda Jones
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He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
Darynda Jones
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I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.
Darynda Jones
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Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster
Darynda Jones