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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Novelist
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Friona
Texas
Stalker
Pardon
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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Honestly, he acted as though he didn't like me anymore. Wait, maybe he didn't. Do you still like me? I never liked you. Oh, right. He had a point. Garreth & Charley
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I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
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Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt
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The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt
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Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
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A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
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Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.
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I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
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Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.
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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
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Rocket, I said, straightening in the chair. Donovan was just helping me with my contacts. Donovan raised his brows humorously. Rocket furrowed his. Did you swallow them?
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He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.
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I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.
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Having Reyes so near is painful. I think it has apoplexy. Do you even know what that means? No, but it sounds serious. Like Ebola. Or hives
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I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT
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My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
Darynda Jones