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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
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Friona
Texas
Stalker
Pardon
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Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
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I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.
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If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
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Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie
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She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.
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We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.
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Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
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You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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He's helped me a lot over the years. I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours. I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.
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He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
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But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
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I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.
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Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
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I can hear other things, too. Before you came around, I had no idea a man could make a girl scream like that. Reyes seems very talented.
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He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.
Darynda Jones
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Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me. I can't go with you. Is it because of my questionable morals? No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school. Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bothe
Darynda Jones