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A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Sure
Fetish
Never
Uniform
Men
Arrested
Uniforms
Mistaken
Hot
Handcuffed
Began
Sheriff
Pretty
Sheriffs

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I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
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I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.
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A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity? BUMPER STICKER
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I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.
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If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT
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Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
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The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.
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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.” I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
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When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.
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Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie
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―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.
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The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt
Darynda Jones