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Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Texas
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More quotes by Darynda Jones

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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
Darynda Jones
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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
Darynda Jones
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If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Darynda Jones
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I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.
Darynda Jones
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.” “You do have that effect on people.
Darynda Jones
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―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.
Darynda Jones
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Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
Darynda Jones
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Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers
Darynda Jones
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
Darynda Jones
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We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.
Darynda Jones
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There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley
Darynda Jones
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She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.
Darynda Jones
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He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
Darynda Jones
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My plans often went awry. Much like my thoughts. Hold the phones. Maybe Saan had ADD, too. It would explain a lot.
Darynda Jones
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There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
Darynda Jones
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Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons.
Darynda Jones
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
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Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.
Darynda Jones
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I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?” “Um, I wasn’t aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience.” “Charley.” “Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day?
Darynda Jones