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After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Single
Hosts
Talk
Epoch
Show
Evolved
Shows
Organisms
Stills
Host
Still
Holding
Passed
Celled
Coffee
Geological

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I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?” “Um, I wasn’t aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience.” “Charley.” “Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day?
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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This place is like crazy on crackers.
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Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt
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He had given me so much information, I wanted some time to absorb it all, but I didn't want to leave him. Not like this. Not ever, as long as I lived. Or until I had to get back on the case. Whichever came first.
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In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.
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When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT
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If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.
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I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT
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He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.
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I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me, the former detective said.
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She still wasn't convinced. So, if you were a guy, would you be into me? Hon, if I were a guy, I'd be gay. Yeah, me, too.
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She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.
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My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
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Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her.... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day.
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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
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Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
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