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I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
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Friona
Texas
Four
Foot
Taken
Thirty
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Lips
Point
Record
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Uncanny
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Second
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Without
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Flats
Never
Feet
Flaws
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Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie
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I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.
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After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.
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I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.
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Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.
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I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I?
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
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I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, This is Beam Me Up. Then to my right. And this is Scotty. Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.
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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
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I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.
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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
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Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her.... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day.
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Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.
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Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.
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He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.
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Want coffee? I asked, as I headed that way. It's three thirty in the morning. Okay. Want coffee?
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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
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Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
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