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Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
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More quotes by Darynda Jones
Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.
Darynda Jones
Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
Darynda Jones
―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.
Darynda Jones
I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson
Darynda Jones
I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
Darynda Jones
I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing
Darynda Jones
I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.
Darynda Jones
When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.
Darynda Jones
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
Darynda Jones
See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!
Darynda Jones
Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should have gone to Hogwart's when I had the chance.
Darynda Jones
But, you're his son, I said, trying really hard to hate him. You're the son of Satan. Literally. And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson. Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, Okay, point taken.
Darynda Jones
If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.
Darynda Jones
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
Darynda Jones
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!
Darynda Jones
An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Darynda Jones
Rocket, I said, straightening in the chair. Donovan was just helping me with my contacts. Donovan raised his brows humorously. Rocket furrowed his. Did you swallow them?
Darynda Jones
“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”
Darynda Jones
I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.
Darynda Jones
Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers
Darynda Jones