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You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
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More quotes by Darynda Jones
I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.
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Before I tell you, I have to know three things, I said. Okay. One, are you sitting down? Yes. Two, are you mentally stable? More than you'll ever be. Well, that was uncalled for. And three, how do you spell schizophrenia? What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.
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Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
Darynda Jones
My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
Darynda Jones
guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster
Darynda Jones
When life hands you lemons say, Lemons? What else have you got? - bumper sticker
Darynda Jones
It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.
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Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!
Darynda Jones
I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
Do not disturb. Already there.
Darynda Jones
You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.
Darynda Jones
He's helped me a lot over the years. I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours. I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.
Darynda Jones
If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.
Darynda Jones
This place is like crazy on crackers.
Darynda Jones
But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.
Darynda Jones
She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake.
Darynda Jones
Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
Darynda Jones