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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
Sudden
Kill
Stop
Fall
More quotes by Darynda Jones
It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.
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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
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“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
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Where you just possessed? Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. 'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.
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We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.
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Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)
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Okay, I’ll put someone on it. But you know, the Albuquerque Police Department wasn’t really created to find things out for you.” “Really? That’s weird.
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Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
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Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her.... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day.
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I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker
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A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
Darynda Jones