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He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Heroin
Addict
Chocolate
Covered
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Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.
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A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
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Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!
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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
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Honestly, he acted as though he didn't like me anymore. Wait, maybe he didn't. Do you still like me? I never liked you. Oh, right. He had a point. Garreth & Charley
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Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)
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When life hands you lemons say, Lemons? What else have you got? - bumper sticker
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I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.
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Who is Dr. A. von Holstein? And is he related, by chance, to a race of cows?
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―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.
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I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
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She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.
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I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
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I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.
Darynda Jones