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I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Love
Sort
Guy
Making
Means
Mean
Different
Unlike
Good
Sweat
Men
Guys

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I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
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He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.
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See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!
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When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.
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Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.
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You can’t have him, okay,” she said from behind the wire barrier. “Mm-hmm,” I whispered. “This is certainly a beautiful neighborhood.” “Yeah, I guess.” “I will scratch those eyes out of your ugly head.
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Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons.
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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
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There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley
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Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
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He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
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He's helped me a lot over the years. I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours. I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
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Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.
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My plans often went awry. Much like my thoughts. Hold the phones. Maybe Saan had ADD, too. It would explain a lot.
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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.
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