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I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Dance
Line
Went
Lines
Trying
Like
Cowgirls
Metallica
Drunken

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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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.. an emergency stash of Thin Mints. Frickin' Girl Scouts. Those things were way to addictive. They had to be laced with crack. Charlie Davidson Fourth Grave Beneath my Feet
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I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
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Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
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If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
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I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson
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I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
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She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake.
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Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
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I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing
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Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
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I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
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You’re the reason I breathe
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But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.
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Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.
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Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.
Darynda Jones