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I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Drunken
Dance
Line
Went
Lines
Trying
Like
Cowgirls
Metallica

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You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either.
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Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me. I can't go with you. Is it because of my questionable morals? No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school. Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bothe
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Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.
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I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
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Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.
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I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
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Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt
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Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.
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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
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Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.
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He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
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A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
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Having Reyes so near is painful. I think it has apoplexy. Do you even know what that means? No, but it sounds serious. Like Ebola. Or hives
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I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.
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In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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