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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Benefits
Honest
Aspens
Family
Aspen
Making
Foul
Living
Talks
Whole
Christmas
Good
Mouth
Like
Mouths

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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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