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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Like
Mouths
Benefits
Honest
Aspens
Family
Aspen
Making
Foul
Living
Talks
Whole
Christmas
Good
Mouth

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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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