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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Fun
Sides
Belief
Kids
Cram
Seems
Throat
Young
Beliefs
Long
Side
Goes

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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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