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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Young
Beliefs
Long
Side
Goes
Fun
Sides
Belief
Kids
Cram
Seems
Throat

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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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