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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Long
Side
Goes
Fun
Sides
Belief
Kids
Cram
Seems
Throat
Young
Beliefs
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
Daniel Tosh
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel Tosh
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
Daniel Tosh
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
Daniel Tosh
At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
Daniel Tosh
If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
Daniel Tosh
