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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Seems
Throat
Young
Beliefs
Long
Side
Goes
Fun
Sides
Belief
Kids
Cram

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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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