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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Fun
Sides
Belief
Cram
Kids
Throat
Seems
Beliefs
Young
Side
Long
Goes

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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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