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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Side
Long
Goes
Fun
Sides
Belief
Cram
Kids
Throat
Seems
Beliefs
Young

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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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