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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Offers
Role
Roles
Movie
Interest
Starring
Offer

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
Daniel Tosh
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
Daniel Tosh
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
Daniel Tosh
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
Daniel Tosh
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
Daniel Tosh
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
Daniel Tosh
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
Daniel Tosh
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
Daniel Tosh
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Daniel Tosh
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
Daniel Tosh
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
Daniel Tosh
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh