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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Interest
Starring
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Offers
Role
Roles
Movie
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
Daniel Tosh
I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
Daniel Tosh
Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
Daniel Tosh
Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
Daniel Tosh
Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
Daniel Tosh
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
Daniel Tosh
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
Daniel Tosh
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
Daniel Tosh
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh
Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Daniel Tosh
I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
Daniel Tosh
