Quote

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Something
Joke
Really
Bars
Make
Horrible
Burrito
Think
Jokes
Burritos
Thinking
Stand
Salsa
Life
Funny
Tortured
Happens
Locals
Trying
Local

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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