Quote

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Thinking
Stand
Salsa
Life
Funny
Tortured
Happens
Locals
Trying
Local
Something
Joke
Really
Bars
Make
Horrible
Burrito
Think
Jokes
Burritos

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
Daniel Tosh