Quote

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Life
Funny
Tortured
Happens
Locals
Trying
Local
Something
Joke
Really
Bars
Make
Horrible
Burrito
Think
Jokes
Burritos
Thinking
Stand
Salsa

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
Daniel Tosh
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
Daniel Tosh
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Daniel Tosh