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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Jesus
Everything
Make
Like
Fearless
Fun
Leader
Inspiration

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
Daniel Tosh
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
Daniel Tosh
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
Daniel Tosh
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
Daniel Tosh
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
Daniel Tosh
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
Daniel Tosh
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
Daniel Tosh
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh