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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Jesus
Everything
Make
Like
Fearless
Fun
Leader
Inspiration

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
Daniel Tosh
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
Daniel Tosh
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
Daniel Tosh
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Daniel Tosh
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
Daniel Tosh
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
Daniel Tosh
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
Daniel Tosh