Quote

I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.

Daniel Tosh

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Balls
Numbers
Either
Comes
Also
Finances
Great
Apparently
Good
Finance
People
Ball

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

Image
People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
Image
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
Image
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
Daniel Tosh
Image
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
Daniel Tosh
Image
I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
Daniel Tosh
Image
It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
Daniel Tosh
Image
If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
Daniel Tosh
Image
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh