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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Went
Head
Graduated
Jobs
Interview
Hire
Interviews
Wouldn
Laughing
College
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
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I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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