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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Interviews
Wouldn
Laughing
College
Went
Head
Graduated
Jobs
Interview
Hire

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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