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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Normal
Talent
Sure
Living
Jobs
Real
Make
Would
Talents

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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