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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Perfect
Everyone
Doesn
Deserve
Second
Maybe
Chance
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
Daniel Tosh
Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Daniel Tosh
I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
Daniel Tosh
I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
Daniel Tosh
You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun.
Daniel Tosh
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
Daniel Tosh
You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh
I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
Daniel Tosh
You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
Daniel Tosh
Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.
Daniel Tosh
I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
Daniel Tosh
Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
Daniel Tosh
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Daniel Tosh
I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
Daniel Tosh
I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
Daniel Tosh
You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
Daniel Tosh
The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
Daniel Tosh
I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
Daniel Tosh
