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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Enjoying
Notice
Sign
Watching
Cyclist
Stop
Cyclists
Enjoy
Bounce
Hood
Obey

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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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