Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Notice
Sign
Watching
Cyclist
Stop
Cyclists
Enjoy
Bounce
Hood
Obey
Enjoying
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
Daniel Tosh
There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think how can you make a joke about this?
Daniel Tosh
Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Daniel Tosh
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
Daniel Tosh
If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable - unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.
Daniel Tosh
At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.
Daniel Tosh
I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
Daniel Tosh
Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
Daniel Tosh
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Daniel Tosh
Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
Daniel Tosh
You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
Daniel Tosh
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
Daniel Tosh
It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
Daniel Tosh
People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
Daniel Tosh
Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.
Daniel Tosh
I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
Daniel Tosh
