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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Magazine
Stupid
Stuff
Voting
Really
List
World
Lists
Magazines
Hot
Ballot
Models
Ballots
Wouldn

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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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Kangoroos can't hop backwards.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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