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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
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Voting
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List
World
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Magazines
Hot
Models
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Ballots
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More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
Daniel Tosh
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
Daniel Tosh
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
Daniel Tosh
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
Daniel Tosh
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
Daniel Tosh
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
Daniel Tosh
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Daniel Tosh
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
Daniel Tosh
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
Daniel Tosh
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
Daniel Tosh
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
Daniel Tosh