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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Cheater
Prosper
Unless
Away
Never
Cheaters

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Now it's time for amasians... That's Asians doing something amazing.
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I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Daniel Tosh
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Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Daniel Tosh
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
Daniel Tosh
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
Daniel Tosh
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh
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The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
Daniel Tosh