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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
Daniel Tosh
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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Balls
Smell
Fact
Facts
Like
Decorating
Smells
Gym
Mask
More quotes by Daniel Tosh
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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