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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
System
Hate
Found
Doe
People
Loophole
Loopholes
Mad
Gay

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
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Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
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I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.
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I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
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You ever hear girls say that? I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. I like to reply with I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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