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God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Loopholes
Mad
Gay
System
Hate
Found
Doe
People
Loophole

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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
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You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'
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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: “I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
Daniel Tosh