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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Date
Dues
Gay
Kill
Baby
Least
Gays
Babies

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I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
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I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.
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The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
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I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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