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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Gay
Kill
Baby
Least
Gays
Babies
Date
Dues

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Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
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I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
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I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
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Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
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Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
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That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
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There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.
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Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
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Sometimes my mind wanders other times it leaves completely.
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It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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