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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Date
Dues
Gay
Kill
Baby
Least
Gays
Babies

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You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
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If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
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Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
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I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.
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