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At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Gays
Babies
Date
Dues
Gay
Kill
Baby
Least

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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.
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Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?
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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
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I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
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No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.
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You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
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I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.
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Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.
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Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.
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Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
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The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
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A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
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