Quote

You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!

Daniel Tosh

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Daniel Tosh
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: May 29
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Executive Producer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Boppard am Rhein
Daniel Dwight Tosh
Build
Learning
Really
Shuts
Pipe
Bully
Bomb
Bombs

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk! That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
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I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
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You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.
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If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.
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You know why they say that, that models are too skinny? Because parents are horrible, they can't tell their sixteen year old daughter she's not really a princess, well guess what, I can.
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Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
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If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.
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Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
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Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'
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Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
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If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
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I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'
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I'm also not good with numbers either, so it's not a great mix. People apparently don't want you ball-parkin' it when it comes to their finances.
Daniel Tosh
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The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.
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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don't laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
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Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
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Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
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Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.
Daniel Tosh
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
Daniel Tosh